Short Fiction: Breaking News, Episode 3

Following on from the well-received and successful posting concerning local Oxford news, and after much cajoling from well-meaning readers, supporters, friends, family and financial backers, this next instalment turns the eye-glass lens toward current European news.
With fluency is 17 languages, including Swahili (usiniamini?), I have picked out and translated truthful media reports from a variety of viewpoints on the latest political storm to hit European leaders. As with my previous instalment, all now left for me to do, is to insist and encourage you to enjoy! reading this latest humble offering and get on with telling you the story. So… without further ado, in an un-matrimonial sense, I do.

DON’T LOOK, NOW
In a move that has stunned the civilised world, French Président Jean-Michel Macron (39), looks set to introduce a nationwide ban on men looking at their female colleagues in the workplace. In the wake of recent sexual harassment cases springing up across the western half of the globe only, many view this as a knee-jerk reaction. Some are saying the president’s wife Marie-Claire Macron, 28 years senior in age and now struggling to maintain her looks, may have used her widely acknowledged and significant ‘motherly’ role, to influence her husband’s decision. When I telephoned the Élysées Palace yesterday seeking verification of recent statements made in the media, Queen Marie-Claire, as she is known to close associates, informed me ‘Petit Poo-Poo’ remained unavailable for comment.
The German Chancellor, Angola Merkal, in a press statement issued to the press in the early hours of today, is quoted as saying “About bloody time!” While the Dutch Minister for Foreign Affairs has already tabled an amendment to any future EU-wide edict, proposing only looks proven as ‘lustful’, would actually lead to disciplinary punishment. The Italians, needless to say, are up in arms over the whole situation, with no one in a calm enough state to issue any intelligible response or be heard over the cacophony that marks a usual day in the Parliament Italiano. Further afield in Estonia, President Kersti Getlaid quoting from a much longer speech thought to be in support of France’s increasingly isolated top frog, remarked “We know few are interested, but we say let the people of the free world know the citizens of Estonia are riding up the behinds of our French counterparts.”
Editor’s Note: Although we feel the point made is valid and accurate, editorial pride demands we point out Ms Getlaid only began with her once-weekly English language lessons at the beginning of the year.
Even further afield, with his usual candour, the Australiana PM issued a statement through a senior official, which simply read, “HAH!” Asked to expand on this, the official returned minutes later with, “The Australianian Government believes Mister Macron is a prize prick and has no further comments to add at this time.”
The Former North American Territories are remaining tight-lipped, with Whitehouse officials seen pretending to ‘zip up’ their mouths when asked about the feudal feuds, brewing in the motherlands.
One thing for sure, the question people keep returning to and asking is how long before the ruling spills out of the office, out from the factory floor and TV studios, onto the streets, into bars, strip clubs and homes? When asked for his thoughts, a shady local businessman based in Paris on the west bank of the Seine, replied “Quoi? ‘Ow could I know? I cannot see it into the future! Imbécile.”
And there you have it, an excellent point to finish on. As a member of a group of predatory venture capitalists, my recent investments include a small start-up company working on a contact lens with an apparent fixed stare, meanwhile allowing the wearer to study an entire scene unnoticed. On a personal note, my stock in sunglasses has risen twentyfold.
“The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.”

Next week, “Why?” At last, an answer to that age-old nut of a question.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s